urbanter

Student blog of the Stanford University Urban Studies Department

a mish-mash of feels & happenings

I turned 21 last week! It’s a weird thing to have a landmark birthday thousands of miles away from the majority of people who care about you, but it makes it easy for me to see the people in my life that are truly the realest. I’m always humbled and thankful for the immense amounts of love that I have in my life.

Things with my project have been slowly but steadily creeping forward. I finally(!!!!) nailed down a teacher that is willing to host me in their classroom, which was a huge relief for me. I’ll be in a World History class with 10th graders, which is already changing my plans quite a bit. Learning about the actual history of the world changed my life and my mind has been buzzing with all of the ways we’ll be able to teach and learn and collaborate this upcoming fall.

I’ve been sitting in on out-of-classroom meetings and curriculum development sessions with Christy and Christina, the teaching artist for the Bronx, and just observing has been really helpful in thinking about what works and what doesn’t. One thing that Christy repeats over and over again is that you only have students’ attention for at maximum 2 minutes of straight talking. Lecturing and powerpointing at high school students is completely ineffective, unless it’s done in an intentionally collaborative manner. And you have to be REALLY, really clear with instruction. It’s a really powerful intention to want to co-create knowledge with the students, but as the teacher, you still need to have structures so that we all know where we’re headed. More importantly, so that at the very end of all the activities, students are receiving both the knowledge that they uncovered, and the knowledge that will help them better critically acknowledge their world.

It’s a hard line to walk. How much direction is too much? Watching Christina teach has been great because she’s not an expert, so I can see where things can change or be more or less collaborative in any given moment. But she’s also brilliant! Her activities are really creative and innovative, and push my limits of what I think our students are capable of.

Last thing: I’ve been thinking a lot about what it’s going to be like coming back to Palo Alto. It kind of makes me want to throw up.

Stanford has afforded me so, so many blessings. The best friends I’ve ever made, life lessons, school lessons, mentors, perspective, this internship, my health, food and shelter for the last three years of my life – I will always owe a debt to my university.

But Palo Alto has never been my heart’s home. When I’m at school, I drive off campus almost every weekend in search of new dumplings, people whose accomplishments don’t come with a piece of paper to validate them, the thick mixture of accents of all kinds that echo through the memories of my childhood. New York, for all of the things that I love and absolutely can’t stand about this place, has pulled me a little closer to the place that I think I’m looking for – and in turn, has pulled my heart even further away from the alienating perfection of the bubble.

I’ve been doing a really weird dual-feeling countdown. Three weeks left until I reunite with my family, my friends, and my boyfriend, all of whom I miss very dearly. Three weeks left in this perplexing, magical, and altogether overwhelming place. That weird mix of savoring every day, while also willing them to pass… bittersweet at its finest.

Til next time, when I’m sure my nostalgia for my New York will begin to start hitting me before I’ve even left.

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